“This cannot be happening,” I tell myself as I stare at the one word that changes everything, positive. “No.” I shake my head as I scream at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. “God, please no.” I look down at the test again. The word positive is practically jumping off the plastic applicator, doing a dance, and tossing confetti in my face while life laughs at me. Nope, this isn’t a dream. This is really happening. My dad will kill me. Why didn’t I listen when Faye told me to go on the pill…Brian leaves for college in two weeks.
“Two weeks!” I stomp my foot in protest like it can change the fact. The fact that I have ruined my life. What am I going to do? I can’t tell Brian something like this, not when he is about to live his dream.
Playing college baseball has been the only thing he has talked about since we were seven. I can’t, I won’t ruin this for him. I just graduated high school; I can’t be a mom. I’ll call Faye, she will know what to do. Faye is my mother; she resides in Miami Florida.
She has been living there since I was nine, I usually spend one week every summer with her, and the rest of the year I live with my dad in West Virginia. My parents divorced because my mom had a drinking problem and my daddy refused to live that way any longer.
“Faye, I screwed up. I screwed up bad.”
“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” she gets straight to the point.
“Yes,” I whisper afraid of what my future holds.
“Aria, if you love this boy, let him go. You will come live with me and we will do this together. I know I haven’t always been the mom you have deserved. Don’t you worry about Jim either; I will set your daddy straight. If you don’t want this baby, there are other options,” she says, attempting to sound sincere.
Two weeks later, I have made my decision. I know what I must do. This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to face. I have loved Brian as long as I can remember. He deserves to have his dreams come true. If I don’t end this now, I know how he will react. He will be like every other ass backwards person in this town.
He will give up his college scholarship for a job in the coalmines to support me and our baby. I can’t doom him to my daddy’s fate. Besides, the way Brian acts when he drinks scares me. I don’t want to raise a baby in an environment like that. One where the father resents the child and the mother turns into a raging alcoholic, I grew up that way. I will not bring a child into that kind of existence.
Brian is coming over later tonight to say goodbye before he leaves for the training camp he is required to participate in. I was disappointed, but now I know it’s better that he won’t be here. He can never know that I am pregnant. His family would just think I am trying to use him as my meal ticket out of this town. The scouts say he has a real shot at going pro.
I’m not ready to be a mom and can’t bring myself to have an abortion. I just can’t do that, especially when there are people in this world who would give anything to have a baby. Adoption is my best choice, and Brian will never have to be aware of any of it.
I can feel the vibration from his stereo as he pulls his pickup truck into the driveway. That boy is going to need hearing aids by the time he reaches thirty.
I observe him from my living room window as he exits the truck. His brown wavy hair hangs right above his ears. He appears anxious, wearing a Louisville Cardinals t-shirt, khaki cargo shorts, and flip flops. Then it hits me, this is the last time I will see him walking up to my door. This is one of my last nights living in this house. How am I going to live my life not seeing the faces of the two men who mean more to me than anything in this world?
Faye set Jim, my dad straight all right. After a very heated phone discussion and a good ear chewing for me, daddy finally agreed that it was best I live with my mom, if this was going to be my choice. I have always been a daddy’s girl as long as I can remember. The disappointment in his voice when we had our talk was bone chilling. I shudder at the thought and continue to gaze out at Brian as he makes his way up the long, winding walkway. Brian is tall and lean, but very muscular. He takes a lot of pride in his appearance.
I am going to miss the way he smiles at me, like I am his forever. The way he massages the tip of his earlobe when he is uneasy. Or when he is playing baseball, how he sticks his tongue out to the side in anticipation when he is getting ready to connect his bat with the ball. The goofy lopsided grin he gives to the crowd watching from the stands when he hits a home run. You see, not only is he my boyfriend, but he has always been my best friend as well. So, keeping something so life altering from him is tough. My whole life has revolved around this one boy. I can’t believe I am about to give him up, and my one dream—to be with him always.
He doesn’t even bother with the doorbell and lets himself inside. That boy has been doing it ever since he was allowed to ride his bicycle over to my house after school, not like my dad is ever home to notice. Poor man has worked his whole life to take care of me. Before I came into the picture he had thoughts of becoming a doctor.
But he put his life aside for mine, and I know that he has regrets. Don’t get me wrong, I know my father loves me. Albeit I think he would have been just fine waiting a few more years before I came into the picture.
Brian wraps his arms around my waist and snuggles his chin into the crook of my neck, giving me little kisses. Standing not much shorter than him, my hair is long, dark brown, and naturally wavy. I am slim, with not much of a bust. I have always been athletic—I was captain of the dance team.
I turn to face him, and his green eyes are mirroring my own. They are gloomy too just like my mood.
“This is my last night home for a while, and I want to have a few drinks with the guys before I leave.” He sees my pout. “Come on, I suppose I promised you a ride on the Ferris wheel.” They always hold a senior fair for the graduating class, in a way it is a final send-off; it always reminds me of the movie Grease. But my life isn’t a movie, and we aren’t Danny and Sandy. Our happily ever after won’t exist after tonight.
As promised he takes me on the Ferris wheel first. It is an older one with deep bucket seats and the sun has started to set. We are stopped at the very top. The bucket seats rock gently, making my nerves spike. I don’t think we will fall, but I can’t help the thought from crossing my mind. A nervous giggle escapes my pursed lips. Brian pulls my face close to his for a kiss.